Giving up on bedtime

I wrote this a year and a half ago when I decided that bedtimes were a waste of time (shock horror!).  I've had a bit of a giggle reading over it now, mostly because I can't believe I was ever this uptight about doing things the "right" way, even if it went against every single instinct I had.

Nowadays at the age of 2, Miss V has a wonderful sleep routine 90% of the time.  On the average day she'll go to bed between 6:30-7:30pm and sleep until at least 8-9am.  Some days she has an afternoon nap, others she doesn't.  Either way she sleeps at least 12 hours a day.

Of course we have days where she just doesn't want to go to sleep (usually when we've had a big couple of days and she's overtired), but for the most part once it hits around 6:30pm she grabs her teddy bear, says 'bye bye, goodnight' to everybody and takes herself off to bed while I get her milk organised.  So now for a trip down memory lane...

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I have recently given up the mere suggestion of a bedtime.  Since Little Miss came home, she's been breastfed on demand.  At her four month maternal child health nurse appointment I was told this was wrong.  Very wrong.  It is completely unacceptable for my four month old to go to bed at 11pm.  She should be in bed at precisely 7pm, woken at 6am and fed every four hours.  I was then shown how to swaddle her, lay her on her side to pat her back to burp her while she screamed hysterically then was sat down to watch a video which backed up what the MCHN was saying, including to only pick her up for a minute every 15 minutes.

Cue a month of guilt at not having her in bed at 7pm exactly.

And then I thought about it properly.  Little Miss loathes being completely swaddled.  So why was I feeling bad about not doing that?  There was also the fact that if I attempted to put her into bed earlier she would cry and cry and cry.  I believe I lasted about 5 minutes before deciding it was barbaric to just leave her scream.  There was also the issue that she wouldn't be getting her recommended daily intake of milk if I fed her the way she told me to.

In retrospect, I cannot believe I wasted a month of my life actually feeling guilty about letting her happily go to bed when she wanted, in the manner she wanted.  She was happy, I was happy, what was the problem?  That it didn't suit somebody else?  That should be their issue, not mine.  A half arsed attempt at doing it their way, the "right" way left both of us miserable.

So now I will share with you what our night sleep routine is like after deciding to give up the whole idea of a bedtime altogether.

There are no pacifiers here.  Little Miss doesn't need one, nor will she take one.  That means there is no screaming hysterically when one falls out of her mouth 2 minutes after she falls asleep.  Nor is there any need to get up half a dozen times during the night to put it back in her mouth.

The majority of the time there are no tears at being put into bed here.

There is no screaming or fighting sleep.

There is no stress.

There is no waking up during the night.

There is no stumbling into another room to check on her.

There is no need for monitors to make sure she's ok.

At 6 months old she goes to sleep within 5 minutes of being put into her bassinette, without any tears or drama and she sleeps on average 11 hours a night then wakes up happy and smiling.

Why?  Because I just can't see the logic in turning bedtime/sleep time into something stressful for both of us.  She goes to bed any time between 9:30pm-1am after a big feed and a big cuddle with me.  I feed her in my bed, let her drift off during the feed or while we're cuddling and when she's tired enough to sleep I put her into her bassinette which is about a foot away from my bed, tuck her in and that's it.  I don't need to obsessively check her or use a monitor because I can hear her breathing and because she's actually tired and feeling secure she goes to sleep easily and happily.

Despite the criticism I've had over such a late bedtime for her, I really believe she'll naturally just evolve into what works for her.  Besides, she's 6 months old, not 6 years old.  And even though I don't go to sleep at the same time she does, I go to bed at the same time and it's lovely.

Our sleep time preparation is a beautiful thing - full of love, cuddles, kisses, snuggles and ending with both of us going to sleep easily and sleeping long and well.  Why change that?